On My Own

I become quite thinkative on the treadmill. Normally it is my inner voice saying 'only a little more' or 'you got this' or 'no, your not going to die keep going!' . Today it was a little deeper then that, an epiphany of sorts. It was all started by 3 little words... On My Own.

Now, the person who used these words (I hope) wasn't saying it to be insulting.  But they stung a little all the same. People who haven't had RNY or live with a person who has had RNY honestly doesn't get it. Some (not all by any means) people think that I took the easy way out by having it done. Or that this is instant bullet, or that by loosing weight 'on your own' you have somehow worked harder for your better health.

All of the above is completely false. Yes, it is true that right now I only am able to consume about 800 calories a day. Because of this and the shock of surgery to my body the first 30 or so pounds did come off pretty quick. However, when you are someone like me who has upwards of over 200 lbs to loose, 30 is a drop in the bucket.

RNY for me is a tool, I can work it however I see fit. It can work for me or I can abuse it. It is up to me. There are ways around the bypass to eat if you really want to. People regain their weight ALL of the time. It is easy to fall into bad habits. Right now at almost 6 months out, I am a rule follower. Period. I don't push the limits of what is ok or not. Will I over time? Probably, if I am being honest.

Yes, I have had RNY and this is the one and only tool that has ever worked for me. I need to be manually restricted. My tool is no different then people who use Weight Watchers, Medifast, Detrox Diets, or just follow a healthier lifestyle. They are ALL tools. You can follow the plan, and it can work for you, or you can abuse it. It is still all up to you.

My RNY doesn't make me woggle (run/jog) 5K's once a week. It doesn't drag my ass to the gym on days that I do not want to go. It doesn't make me put healthy food in my body. It doesn't make me look forward to literally whipping my butt at the gym. It doesn't understand the look my in husband's eyes when I sleep in one of his t-shirts. It doesn't understand the feeling of stepping off that treadmill after beating you own time.

Sure there are things that my RNY does do for me. But, at the end of the day it is me and my pure determination to become healthy. So far I have lost 127 lbs. On. My. Own.