I know it has been a while! I even missed my 6th month post. Everything is better then great. I will update on those things (like numbers) another day.
For a awhile I have been struggling with who I am. I am not the girl in my pre-op picture anymore, but I don't know who this girl is now. I do not ever remember being this small. Like, ever. I see myself, and don't believe this is me. I train and don't believe I am able to do the things I am doing now. I beat the girls running up the steps to dance class. I mean come on!
Today, new Megan decieded she was done waiting for me to get it together and came shining through. She has made me look at old Megan and realize I am really not that girl anymore. In the matter of 45 minutes I said goodbye and hello to myself.
Weight loss surgery, and weight loss in general is like taking a ride on the crazy train. Day to day, minute to minute things change. Last week I posted on Facebook that I had ran my longest interval to date. I ran 0.5 miles without stopping. I was ecstatic! Smiled all day. The next day I ran 0.6 before seeing the trainer. Bigger smiles. Saturday I went to 5K training and again I was able to bust out 0.5 intervals. Huge smiles to put practice to paper.
Today, well today it was very different. I ran 2 miles. 2 FREAKING miles! Straight! No breaks. I have never ran a mile in my LIFE. So to hit that and keep going is just huge for me. I started running at 0.3 on the treadmill and didn't stop till I hit 2.3. I cried when I hit it. When I went to stretch out I was still choking it back. I cannot believe how far I have come. I got really choked up when I got home and was posting on Facebook. Charlotte suggested I get a new charm for my bracelet. LOL She is such a smart girl!
This is so important for more then the obvious. I weighed in this morning, and that damn scale didn't move. After all I have been doing, nothing. I made a choice that the number was not going to define me. I pushed myself to prove to the scale (and me) that I define me. That run this morning defines me now. Not that damn number.
I feel like I have finally let go of the fat girl that has been with me all of my life. I am Megan, a mother, wife and an athlete. I am going to continue to push myself. No one can take this away from me. I am running the Color Run 5K this weekend, and I fully plan to run the Princess Half Marathon in Disney 2014.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
On My Own
I become quite thinkative on the treadmill. Normally it is my inner voice saying 'only a little more' or 'you got this' or 'no, your not going to die keep going!' . Today it was a little deeper then that, an epiphany of sorts. It was all started by 3 little words... On My Own.
Now, the person who used these words (I hope) wasn't saying it to be insulting. But they stung a little all the same. People who haven't had RNY or live with a person who has had RNY honestly doesn't get it. Some (not all by any means) people think that I took the easy way out by having it done. Or that this is instant bullet, or that by loosing weight 'on your own' you have somehow worked harder for your better health.
All of the above is completely false. Yes, it is true that right now I only am able to consume about 800 calories a day. Because of this and the shock of surgery to my body the first 30 or so pounds did come off pretty quick. However, when you are someone like me who has upwards of over 200 lbs to loose, 30 is a drop in the bucket.
RNY for me is a tool, I can work it however I see fit. It can work for me or I can abuse it. It is up to me. There are ways around the bypass to eat if you really want to. People regain their weight ALL of the time. It is easy to fall into bad habits. Right now at almost 6 months out, I am a rule follower. Period. I don't push the limits of what is ok or not. Will I over time? Probably, if I am being honest.
Yes, I have had RNY and this is the one and only tool that has ever worked for me. I need to be manually restricted. My tool is no different then people who use Weight Watchers, Medifast, Detrox Diets, or just follow a healthier lifestyle. They are ALL tools. You can follow the plan, and it can work for you, or you can abuse it. It is still all up to you.
My RNY doesn't make me woggle (run/jog) 5K's once a week. It doesn't drag my ass to the gym on days that I do not want to go. It doesn't make me put healthy food in my body. It doesn't make me look forward to literally whipping my butt at the gym. It doesn't understand the look my in husband's eyes when I sleep in one of his t-shirts. It doesn't understand the feeling of stepping off that treadmill after beating you own time.
Sure there are things that my RNY does do for me. But, at the end of the day it is me and my pure determination to become healthy. So far I have lost 127 lbs. On. My. Own.
Now, the person who used these words (I hope) wasn't saying it to be insulting. But they stung a little all the same. People who haven't had RNY or live with a person who has had RNY honestly doesn't get it. Some (not all by any means) people think that I took the easy way out by having it done. Or that this is instant bullet, or that by loosing weight 'on your own' you have somehow worked harder for your better health.
All of the above is completely false. Yes, it is true that right now I only am able to consume about 800 calories a day. Because of this and the shock of surgery to my body the first 30 or so pounds did come off pretty quick. However, when you are someone like me who has upwards of over 200 lbs to loose, 30 is a drop in the bucket.
RNY for me is a tool, I can work it however I see fit. It can work for me or I can abuse it. It is up to me. There are ways around the bypass to eat if you really want to. People regain their weight ALL of the time. It is easy to fall into bad habits. Right now at almost 6 months out, I am a rule follower. Period. I don't push the limits of what is ok or not. Will I over time? Probably, if I am being honest.
Yes, I have had RNY and this is the one and only tool that has ever worked for me. I need to be manually restricted. My tool is no different then people who use Weight Watchers, Medifast, Detrox Diets, or just follow a healthier lifestyle. They are ALL tools. You can follow the plan, and it can work for you, or you can abuse it. It is still all up to you.
My RNY doesn't make me woggle (run/jog) 5K's once a week. It doesn't drag my ass to the gym on days that I do not want to go. It doesn't make me put healthy food in my body. It doesn't make me look forward to literally whipping my butt at the gym. It doesn't understand the look my in husband's eyes when I sleep in one of his t-shirts. It doesn't understand the feeling of stepping off that treadmill after beating you own time.
Sure there are things that my RNY does do for me. But, at the end of the day it is me and my pure determination to become healthy. So far I have lost 127 lbs. On. My. Own.
Friday, August 3, 2012
The Next Step
I don't know if I mentioned in my last post that I was going to have another free session with a trainer at the gym. Well I did yesterday. It is one big sales pitch, and I knew that going into it. Chris and I had chatted about what we could afford and not. I had kept up (mostly) my end by getting to the gym as much as possible. Summer has been hard, but I have made adjustments and now back on track. I have been in the gym since 7 weeks out from surgery. I love it. I really really do. My workouts are getting too easy though. Chris understood all of this.
So I listen to the whole presentation. I know that I have lost 120 roughly, and I have about another 120 to go. Yeah for being half way there! Trainer Dan was trying to push the whole 2 more years to get there. Uh no Bud. My weight loss is accelerated because of the bypass. Here is the big BUT to that statement... I spun my wheels the weeks I didn't make it to the gym on a regular basis. Now that I have restarted I am whizzing along. Bottom line the, bypass only does so much. It is just a tool. I work my butt off to move that scale. Again, BUT I fully expect to be pretty damn close to goal by February. Not two years from now.
He whooped my butt to show me what they could do for me. It was 5 minutes long. I am sore when I stand today! As sick as this sounds I love it! After that we start going through the particulars of the contract. It sounds great to me. A little higher then we were thinking monthly, but totally worth it for what I am getting. Until I read fine print... these people wanted a large down payment for the two years. Very large. I could see Chris' head exploding. I start to back pedal and tell him that I must have misunderstood something along the way but there was NO way I could pay that. Long story short, I got it worked out to lessen the months of the contract to 12 months and cut the down payment by more then half. They even let me post date when they would charge my account. I have about 2 more weeks to go till I start training. But in the meantime I can still get my gym time in every other day.
I feel bad about spending money on something like this for myself. I am trying to see it as more of an investment into my health. I mean I rearranged my guts for goodness sake! I made that commitment 5 months ago. It's like a marriage, I am in it for the long haul. This is the right next step for me.
So I listen to the whole presentation. I know that I have lost 120 roughly, and I have about another 120 to go. Yeah for being half way there! Trainer Dan was trying to push the whole 2 more years to get there. Uh no Bud. My weight loss is accelerated because of the bypass. Here is the big BUT to that statement... I spun my wheels the weeks I didn't make it to the gym on a regular basis. Now that I have restarted I am whizzing along. Bottom line the, bypass only does so much. It is just a tool. I work my butt off to move that scale. Again, BUT I fully expect to be pretty damn close to goal by February. Not two years from now.
He whooped my butt to show me what they could do for me. It was 5 minutes long. I am sore when I stand today! As sick as this sounds I love it! After that we start going through the particulars of the contract. It sounds great to me. A little higher then we were thinking monthly, but totally worth it for what I am getting. Until I read fine print... these people wanted a large down payment for the two years. Very large. I could see Chris' head exploding. I start to back pedal and tell him that I must have misunderstood something along the way but there was NO way I could pay that. Long story short, I got it worked out to lessen the months of the contract to 12 months and cut the down payment by more then half. They even let me post date when they would charge my account. I have about 2 more weeks to go till I start training. But in the meantime I can still get my gym time in every other day.
I feel bad about spending money on something like this for myself. I am trying to see it as more of an investment into my health. I mean I rearranged my guts for goodness sake! I made that commitment 5 months ago. It's like a marriage, I am in it for the long haul. This is the right next step for me.
Monday, July 30, 2012
5 Months and Feeling Fine
Updated numbers...
Down from highest recorded: 119
Down from surgery: 87
So, it has been five months now. These past two months I have slowed down loosing. I think mostly because with it being the summer it has been harder for me to get into the gym. I thought it was going to be easier with no school. But that just hasn't been the case. So that is a bummer. I did start back this past week going on a more regular schedule and have already seen results on the scale. My goal is to lose at least 13 more before my 6 month appointment next month. I have time to get it going again. Just please pray no more illness in our house for a LONG time!
I do have some NSV (non-scale victories) to share. This past weekend I finally broke down and bought a belt, two actually. I needed them badly. I am loosing my shorts everyday by the afternoon. I also (well Chris did) found on clearance a cable knit sweater with a zipper. The big deal about this is that it is first clothing piece I have bought as an adult the was (although still in plus sizing) a 0X. No number in front of it! At my heaviest I wore a 5X in plus sizes. I sleep in those shirts now!
My top is way smaller then my bottoms right now. For clothes I am down (if you count every number) I am now down 20 sizes on the top and 12 on the bottom. That is crazy to me!
As far as what is coming up, I am meeting a personal trainer tomorrow. Another free session, gotta love that! I am going to start following the 5K training program again. I was literally melting when I was doing that. I have learned a lot over these past months about recovery time, and what my body needs. I am my own personal science project now! Chris and I are going to take pics soon. I can't wait to see my parents this week. They haven't seen me since early June.
Down from highest recorded: 119
Down from surgery: 87
So, it has been five months now. These past two months I have slowed down loosing. I think mostly because with it being the summer it has been harder for me to get into the gym. I thought it was going to be easier with no school. But that just hasn't been the case. So that is a bummer. I did start back this past week going on a more regular schedule and have already seen results on the scale. My goal is to lose at least 13 more before my 6 month appointment next month. I have time to get it going again. Just please pray no more illness in our house for a LONG time!
I do have some NSV (non-scale victories) to share. This past weekend I finally broke down and bought a belt, two actually. I needed them badly. I am loosing my shorts everyday by the afternoon. I also (well Chris did) found on clearance a cable knit sweater with a zipper. The big deal about this is that it is first clothing piece I have bought as an adult the was (although still in plus sizing) a 0X. No number in front of it! At my heaviest I wore a 5X in plus sizes. I sleep in those shirts now!
My top is way smaller then my bottoms right now. For clothes I am down (if you count every number) I am now down 20 sizes on the top and 12 on the bottom. That is crazy to me!
As far as what is coming up, I am meeting a personal trainer tomorrow. Another free session, gotta love that! I am going to start following the 5K training program again. I was literally melting when I was doing that. I have learned a lot over these past months about recovery time, and what my body needs. I am my own personal science project now! Chris and I are going to take pics soon. I can't wait to see my parents this week. They haven't seen me since early June.
Monday, June 18, 2012
5K Wrap Up
I can't believe that I haven't taken a moment to write about the 5k... I like to blog in quite, and normally would take a minute when both girls were in school. Those moments are gone, for now!
It was a really awesome day! I was surprised to see how nervous I really was by the time it was to get started. Kim came to walk with me, her support was awesome! The only thing I wanted was to NOT be last. That was it.
I thought there would be more walkers, but there were only a handful. It was pretty easy to tell that I was the shortest one out from surgery, and honestly I was still the largest. I just let that go once I got started and focused on what I have been training to do. Complete it.
Chris had all the girls (Lily H, Charlotte, and Lily G) at the pavilion making signs for us! It was so cute! They were our own cheering squad! They cheered everyone on as the walked/ran by. On our last lap the girls came with us. Chris followed behind. The Lily's made it, Charlotte pooped out after the incline. She and Chris made a cut through the middle!
Towards the the very last turn, I made my move to not be last and I passed the only person in front of me. Lily and I crossed the line together! Kim sat with the girls while I walked it off with to catch my breath. I did get choked up when I hugged Chris. I was so proud of myself. I have come so far in this journey. I know I still have a ways to go, no doubt, but I am gonna get there.
We all got certificates and goodie bags. My time was 59:53. I am proud of that considering at the start of this I could barely do one lap. 1 year ago, there would have been no way I could have done it at all.
They are continuing the running/walking club through the summer. They are also running another couch to 5K in the fall. I will be running this. No doubt. I also plan to run the color run in Oct!
It was a really awesome day! I was surprised to see how nervous I really was by the time it was to get started. Kim came to walk with me, her support was awesome! The only thing I wanted was to NOT be last. That was it.
I thought there would be more walkers, but there were only a handful. It was pretty easy to tell that I was the shortest one out from surgery, and honestly I was still the largest. I just let that go once I got started and focused on what I have been training to do. Complete it.
Chris had all the girls (Lily H, Charlotte, and Lily G) at the pavilion making signs for us! It was so cute! They were our own cheering squad! They cheered everyone on as the walked/ran by. On our last lap the girls came with us. Chris followed behind. The Lily's made it, Charlotte pooped out after the incline. She and Chris made a cut through the middle!
Towards the the very last turn, I made my move to not be last and I passed the only person in front of me. Lily and I crossed the line together! Kim sat with the girls while I walked it off with to catch my breath. I did get choked up when I hugged Chris. I was so proud of myself. I have come so far in this journey. I know I still have a ways to go, no doubt, but I am gonna get there.
We all got certificates and goodie bags. My time was 59:53. I am proud of that considering at the start of this I could barely do one lap. 1 year ago, there would have been no way I could have done it at all.
They are continuing the running/walking club through the summer. They are also running another couch to 5K in the fall. I will be running this. No doubt. I also plan to run the color run in Oct!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Full Of Life
That has been the atmosphere around here this past month! We have been so very busy. Ok lets get down to business first.
14 weeks out
Total from all time highest: 97
Total from surgery : 65
Things are really starting to change. I am able to see the weight loss better then ever before. I have been training HARD for the 5K that is this weekend! So excited. Still wish I could run/jog it. But I know how far I have come from even 7 weeks ago when I first stepped foot on the track. I barely made it once around. To complete the 5K it is a total of 4 trip around the 0.8mi loop. I have completed it once on the track 3 times in the gym on the treadmill. I am so much more stronger then I ever thought I would be. I know running will come. My surgeons office is toying with the idea of doing it again the fall. I am also signed up for the Color Run in DC in October. Looking forward to doing that with two awesome ladies and our kidlets! I am really going to work in getting myself there to jog the whole thing.
I did start jogging a little, but my body needs to get about another 50 lbs off first. I will get there.
Chris and I have talked more about the 1/2 marathon. Instead of the 2013 one I am going to shoot for 2014. I really to get my belly fixed ASAP after I get to a good weight. I would rather train to run it after I get it completely fixed.
This summer is looking promising for myself and the girls! I have energy and desire to play and be active. The next few days I am going to work on setting up a schedule for us, so that I make it to the gym at least 3 days a week and the other two we do something active.
Will write more on Saturday after I complete my very first 5K race!
14 weeks out
Total from all time highest: 97
Total from surgery : 65
Things are really starting to change. I am able to see the weight loss better then ever before. I have been training HARD for the 5K that is this weekend! So excited. Still wish I could run/jog it. But I know how far I have come from even 7 weeks ago when I first stepped foot on the track. I barely made it once around. To complete the 5K it is a total of 4 trip around the 0.8mi loop. I have completed it once on the track 3 times in the gym on the treadmill. I am so much more stronger then I ever thought I would be. I know running will come. My surgeons office is toying with the idea of doing it again the fall. I am also signed up for the Color Run in DC in October. Looking forward to doing that with two awesome ladies and our kidlets! I am really going to work in getting myself there to jog the whole thing.
I did start jogging a little, but my body needs to get about another 50 lbs off first. I will get there.
Chris and I have talked more about the 1/2 marathon. Instead of the 2013 one I am going to shoot for 2014. I really to get my belly fixed ASAP after I get to a good weight. I would rather train to run it after I get it completely fixed.
This summer is looking promising for myself and the girls! I have energy and desire to play and be active. The next few days I am going to work on setting up a schedule for us, so that I make it to the gym at least 3 days a week and the other two we do something active.
Will write more on Saturday after I complete my very first 5K race!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
3 Month Appointment
Today was my 3 month appointment. I met with Ranssa (psych) and Dr. von Ruedon. Everything is going great. My blood work came back right on the money, except for my iron and protein levels. We are going to watch the iron for now. As for the protein I am to change my target from 60g a day to 80g. The protein is probably due to all the working out I have been doing. I remember that from my pre-op class, some people just need more especially if you are doing intense exercises.
I think we finally figured out my dizzy spell issue. Basically, when I go from sitting to standing, or laying down to standing I get super hang onto the wall, fireworks in your eyes dizzy. Doesn't happen every single time, but it does happen a lot. Lasts about 10 secs and then I am fine. He checked out my pressure today and resting it was only 100/50! Every time I stand up your BP dips normally. With mine already being low, that is why it is causing me to almost pass out at times. So for now we are going to increase my fluids. I am going to have to get up at 4:00am to get all of this in! LOL
He also wants me too add a veggie snack in the afternoon. Normally, when I eat I am full before I get any veggies in. This new afternoon snack should help get more in.
There are new official numbers. I had my surgery weight wrong. It was a little too low. So officially, I am 62 lbs down from surgery, and 94 down total! I have decided to celebrate my 100 total weight loss with something special. I am thinking another charm! After this it will mark every 50 lbs till I get to goal. I go back in another 3 months for another check-up unless there is a problem.
I think we finally figured out my dizzy spell issue. Basically, when I go from sitting to standing, or laying down to standing I get super hang onto the wall, fireworks in your eyes dizzy. Doesn't happen every single time, but it does happen a lot. Lasts about 10 secs and then I am fine. He checked out my pressure today and resting it was only 100/50! Every time I stand up your BP dips normally. With mine already being low, that is why it is causing me to almost pass out at times. So for now we are going to increase my fluids. I am going to have to get up at 4:00am to get all of this in! LOL
He also wants me too add a veggie snack in the afternoon. Normally, when I eat I am full before I get any veggies in. This new afternoon snack should help get more in.
There are new official numbers. I had my surgery weight wrong. It was a little too low. So officially, I am 62 lbs down from surgery, and 94 down total! I have decided to celebrate my 100 total weight loss with something special. I am thinking another charm! After this it will mark every 50 lbs till I get to goal. I go back in another 3 months for another check-up unless there is a problem.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Weeks 11 & 12 and A Little Pondering
So I am a little behind in posting. I have been a little busy with Chris' Graduation and party! So all good things, but I want to take a minute to get caught up.
Last week was a milestone week for me. I hit an important number, actually passed it! I celebrated with a trip to the jewelry store and purchased the Inner Strength charm for my Pandora bracelet. This milestone was super important because I haven't seen these numbers since right before I got married almost 12 years ago. I am on track to weight less then I did on my wedding day. A lot less, before our anniversary in June. That is very exciting.
I was proud of myself for making good choices at Chris' party. I have more to say about something that happened there, but this blog isn't private so I am just going to evil grin to myself. I am only including any of this so that when I read it later on I remember. Moving on....
This week started out slow. Just wasn't feeling good on Monday. But, I lost another 3 lbs. bringing my surgery loss to 58, total to 92! The biggest news of this week comes from my couch to 5K training. I made it a full 5K on the treadmill! I am still walking, but I am just about to jog. I am just still right under that line. I love it! The race itself is about 2 more weeks away! I think that is pretty good for only 5 weeks of training!
So here is my ponder.... there is something I REALLY want to do. REALLY REALLY want to do this. But I am just not sure I can get myself there physically by next Feb. I want to run in the 2013 Princess 1/2 Marathon in Disney. I think that having done so well with this 5K has lit a fire under me, and I want to keep going. I am going to talk to Liz (AKA the exercise lady from my surgeons office tonight) and see what she thinks. I have been looking into it today and I need to walk or run a 15 minute mile. If I start training now for it, I bet I could do it.
Kathy, Paul, Kim and I are all doing The Color Run in DC in Oct, so that would give me more race experience. By February I should be pretty close to goal weight. I could go run the race then come back and have my hernia repaired! LOL
I will update on this once I talk to Liz tonight (if the rain holds out!).
Last week was a milestone week for me. I hit an important number, actually passed it! I celebrated with a trip to the jewelry store and purchased the Inner Strength charm for my Pandora bracelet. This milestone was super important because I haven't seen these numbers since right before I got married almost 12 years ago. I am on track to weight less then I did on my wedding day. A lot less, before our anniversary in June. That is very exciting.
I was proud of myself for making good choices at Chris' party. I have more to say about something that happened there, but this blog isn't private so I am just going to evil grin to myself. I am only including any of this so that when I read it later on I remember. Moving on....
This week started out slow. Just wasn't feeling good on Monday. But, I lost another 3 lbs. bringing my surgery loss to 58, total to 92! The biggest news of this week comes from my couch to 5K training. I made it a full 5K on the treadmill! I am still walking, but I am just about to jog. I am just still right under that line. I love it! The race itself is about 2 more weeks away! I think that is pretty good for only 5 weeks of training!
So here is my ponder.... there is something I REALLY want to do. REALLY REALLY want to do this. But I am just not sure I can get myself there physically by next Feb. I want to run in the 2013 Princess 1/2 Marathon in Disney. I think that having done so well with this 5K has lit a fire under me, and I want to keep going. I am going to talk to Liz (AKA the exercise lady from my surgeons office tonight) and see what she thinks. I have been looking into it today and I need to walk or run a 15 minute mile. If I start training now for it, I bet I could do it.
Kathy, Paul, Kim and I are all doing The Color Run in DC in Oct, so that would give me more race experience. By February I should be pretty close to goal weight. I could go run the race then come back and have my hernia repaired! LOL
I will update on this once I talk to Liz tonight (if the rain holds out!).
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Dead and Gone
I figured I would use my vitamin time to share a few things that I have been swimming around my head.
I am still pretty fresh on this path of my new life, and there are still new things everyday I am learning. There has been something pretty new that has been happening. I am finding out how much I really want this. How I strong I am, how deep I am willing to dig to get it. Yesterday was 5K training at the park. Chris really wanted me to stay home, and that was making my already not really wanting to go feeling grow stronger. But I knew I had to go because I cannot go Saturday (unless I blew off his Commencement!). So I got myself ready to go and off I went. It was really cloudy and dark by the time I fought traffic and got there. I chatted for a minute with Liz and got started. We were setting out to do 3 laps (2.4 miles). About 3/4 of the way around I felt a drop of rain. By the time I made the first loop it was starting to drizzle. I knew that today I was not going to the gym, so that I could clean for the coming weekend. I also knew that I did not drive all that way to only do one lap. I continued. By now it was a straight rain. I am not gonna lie right before I hit the point of no return I did ask myself if I was crazy. Still I pushed. By the time I made it back around I was soaked through my clothes! I am talking to the bone! Honestly, I have never been more proud of myself. I didn't do the 3rd lap because I noticed that my workout bag was missing. I knew that Liz had it, but I didn't see her and I didn't want her to have to wait for me. I spotted her in the parking lot and got it! Thank goodness, because my inhaler was in there!
This is just one of the times recently I find myself pushing through whatever it is. Pain, tired, soaking rain. In my old life I would have stopped. I know I would have. There is a song on my 'Werk it' playlist called "Dead and Gone"
No more stress, now I'm straight, now I get it, now I take
Time to think, before I make mistakes just for my family's sake
That part of me left yesterday
The heart of me is strong today
No regrets I'm blessed to say
The old me dead and gone away
Oh (eyyy)
I've been travellin' on this road too long (too long)
Just tryna find my way back home (back home)
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone
And oh (eyyy)
I've been travellin' on this road too long (too long)
Just tryna find my way back home (back home)
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone, dead and gone
This is exactly how I am feeling right now. Old me is gone. I don't want that girl anymore. I love this new girl!
I am still pretty fresh on this path of my new life, and there are still new things everyday I am learning. There has been something pretty new that has been happening. I am finding out how much I really want this. How I strong I am, how deep I am willing to dig to get it. Yesterday was 5K training at the park. Chris really wanted me to stay home, and that was making my already not really wanting to go feeling grow stronger. But I knew I had to go because I cannot go Saturday (unless I blew off his Commencement!). So I got myself ready to go and off I went. It was really cloudy and dark by the time I fought traffic and got there. I chatted for a minute with Liz and got started. We were setting out to do 3 laps (2.4 miles). About 3/4 of the way around I felt a drop of rain. By the time I made the first loop it was starting to drizzle. I knew that today I was not going to the gym, so that I could clean for the coming weekend. I also knew that I did not drive all that way to only do one lap. I continued. By now it was a straight rain. I am not gonna lie right before I hit the point of no return I did ask myself if I was crazy. Still I pushed. By the time I made it back around I was soaked through my clothes! I am talking to the bone! Honestly, I have never been more proud of myself. I didn't do the 3rd lap because I noticed that my workout bag was missing. I knew that Liz had it, but I didn't see her and I didn't want her to have to wait for me. I spotted her in the parking lot and got it! Thank goodness, because my inhaler was in there!
This is just one of the times recently I find myself pushing through whatever it is. Pain, tired, soaking rain. In my old life I would have stopped. I know I would have. There is a song on my 'Werk it' playlist called "Dead and Gone"
No more stress, now I'm straight, now I get it, now I take
Time to think, before I make mistakes just for my family's sake
That part of me left yesterday
The heart of me is strong today
No regrets I'm blessed to say
The old me dead and gone away
Oh (eyyy)
I've been travellin' on this road too long (too long)
Just tryna find my way back home (back home)
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone
And oh (eyyy)
I've been travellin' on this road too long (too long)
Just tryna find my way back home (back home)
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone, dead and gone
This is exactly how I am feeling right now. Old me is gone. I don't want that girl anymore. I love this new girl!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
ARGH! 10 weekks!
The weight loss Gods are messing with me! Numbers first:
This weeks loss 1 (stinkin, stupid pound!)
Surgery total 50 on the nose!
Total loss: 84
A long LONG time ago when I was close to this goal, I couldn't pass it. I was working full time as a nurse, and going to the gym at night. Walking between 5-7 miles a day. No matter what I did I could not pass this number. I thought that after having my guts rearranged that moving past this number would be a breeze. Apparently not so much! UGH! I thought for sure I would be there this week. This is the first time I am truly a little pissed about not losing. I am only 2 lbs away!!!!
However, I am not dwelling. I was in the gym today. Met my couch to 5K training goals and am going to try to up my water more, and get more veg and fruit in. I also need to remember that I am now 5 sizes down. Also, that my weight loss is noticeable to people other then Chris and I!
We went camping this weekend. So. Much. Fun! I was very proud of myself that I did get (just about) everything in. I was a little short on fluids. But I blame that all on Chris, for wasting my drinking time getting his car stuck! LOL My everything is very different now, but I just did my thing and tired to do it fast so that I didn't make it a big deal. My belly button did great as well. I did find a deer tick near it on Saturday morning. Talking about making your heart beat fast! I hadn't even thought about bugs, I was only focused on the sand. But it is fine. I am counting down the months until I can get it fixed and more forward with my life!
This weeks loss 1 (stinkin, stupid pound!)
Surgery total 50 on the nose!
Total loss: 84
A long LONG time ago when I was close to this goal, I couldn't pass it. I was working full time as a nurse, and going to the gym at night. Walking between 5-7 miles a day. No matter what I did I could not pass this number. I thought that after having my guts rearranged that moving past this number would be a breeze. Apparently not so much! UGH! I thought for sure I would be there this week. This is the first time I am truly a little pissed about not losing. I am only 2 lbs away!!!!
However, I am not dwelling. I was in the gym today. Met my couch to 5K training goals and am going to try to up my water more, and get more veg and fruit in. I also need to remember that I am now 5 sizes down. Also, that my weight loss is noticeable to people other then Chris and I!
We went camping this weekend. So. Much. Fun! I was very proud of myself that I did get (just about) everything in. I was a little short on fluids. But I blame that all on Chris, for wasting my drinking time getting his car stuck! LOL My everything is very different now, but I just did my thing and tired to do it fast so that I didn't make it a big deal. My belly button did great as well. I did find a deer tick near it on Saturday morning. Talking about making your heart beat fast! I hadn't even thought about bugs, I was only focused on the sand. But it is fine. I am counting down the months until I can get it fixed and more forward with my life!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
So Stinkin Close!!! 9 Weeks
Today is 9 weeks! Wow it does fly by! First off here are the numbers:
Total loss for the week 6 lbs!
Total loss since surgery 49 lbs! I have lost a little more then one of the girls!!
Total loss from highest recorded: 83 lbs!
I am SO stinkin close to my first goal! It is not the 50 lb mark, which is awesome in it's self. I am 3 lbs away from my first goal!! ARGH! So close! I really want to be at that number or lower before Chris' graduation. I know it is just a number, but I haven't seen this number in a LONG L O N G time! Fingers crossed that this time next week I am shopping for my first Pandora charm!
I am still rockin the gym. Completed my 5K work out goals this week. Thursday they increase! I did notice that my heart rate stayed lower today even though I had the treadmill at a 5 degree angle @ 3.0 miles per hour. I hope that means my body is adjusting. I pretty sure it is. The work outs are getting easier each time.
I have felt pretty good. I did notice that I was wiped out over the weekend. We did get a lot done, but I just felt more tired than I had been. Today that is better. I wonder if it has anything to do with my period ending. I don't know. I am learning to take each day as it comes. That is a tough one to learn!
Oh, I almost forgot I joined myfitnesspal.com feel free to look me up. My user name is 2shortpeopleruleme. A lot of my bariatric friends use it for tracking. I am never going to hit the calorie goals! It has me at 1600, yeah, I am like a 1000 under that!
Total loss for the week 6 lbs!
Total loss since surgery 49 lbs! I have lost a little more then one of the girls!!
Total loss from highest recorded: 83 lbs!
I am SO stinkin close to my first goal! It is not the 50 lb mark, which is awesome in it's self. I am 3 lbs away from my first goal!! ARGH! So close! I really want to be at that number or lower before Chris' graduation. I know it is just a number, but I haven't seen this number in a LONG L O N G time! Fingers crossed that this time next week I am shopping for my first Pandora charm!
I am still rockin the gym. Completed my 5K work out goals this week. Thursday they increase! I did notice that my heart rate stayed lower today even though I had the treadmill at a 5 degree angle @ 3.0 miles per hour. I hope that means my body is adjusting. I pretty sure it is. The work outs are getting easier each time.
I have felt pretty good. I did notice that I was wiped out over the weekend. We did get a lot done, but I just felt more tired than I had been. Today that is better. I wonder if it has anything to do with my period ending. I don't know. I am learning to take each day as it comes. That is a tough one to learn!
Oh, I almost forgot I joined myfitnesspal.com feel free to look me up. My user name is 2shortpeopleruleme. A lot of my bariatric friends use it for tracking. I am never going to hit the calorie goals! It has me at 1600, yeah, I am like a 1000 under that!
Friday, April 27, 2012
Non Scale Victories
Non Scale Victories (NSV's) are a huge deal. I have had a few of these, but Wednesday I had my biggest to date. As some may know my hubby will be graduating from college in two weeks! I really dreaded going to find something to wear for this. For two reasons. 1) it is hard to find things that fit me in the stores. I normally order from a great website. I was going to do this again, but I couldn't find something I liked enough to order. 2) Money. Someone my size to buy something other then a t-shirt costs a good amount of money. With loosing the weight the way I am I didn't want to spend $100 for something I might wear once.
When my Mom was up here for Grandparents day at Lily's school. We went shopping. I had no clue where to even start with sizes. I picked out a few things were I thought I might be and a few a size smaller. The very first dress I put on was the winner! It was smaller then I thought I was! The jeans that I came into the store wearing (that are way too big now) are 5 sizes bigger then this dress! Now, I am no where near 'normal' sizes, but, I am now finally out of the way high end sizes! It also (thanks to a sale) didn't cost more then my budget for it. Plus, it is dressy, but not over the top so I can wear it for Charlotte's promotion ceremony!
I ended up buying a pair of new jeans, and a new night gown. My might gowns are like tents on me! It is really funny! I mean I like them big, but it was getting a little crazy! I never buy myself things, and I have been blessed by family members passing on clothes my way. I really only needed those three things. Oh I also got a new sucker upper (what I call shape wear) I need this to support my hernia while I exercise. The one I wear now is getting a little worn. I am wearing everything in my dresser now. Today I put on a pair of Chris' gym shorts just to see- ended up wearing them to the gym this morning! :-)
Small update: Tuesday afternoon, I had gas pain that became so severe I had to call Chris home from work. I couldn't get it to move despite everything I was doing. My parents thankfully were already here for Grandparents Day the next day. So they kept the kids busy while I was in a world of pain. When Chris got home we called into the office and my surgeon said to head to the ER (it hurt that bad) because I really thought I had blown my hernia. Chris gets off the phone helps me to try to sit up, while I was sitting up I realized I could sit up (couldn't before). I made my way to the bathroom, and still was a little painful but nothing too bad. As we stood on the front porch I told him I felt better. We still walked to the car, I got in and laid my seat all the way back. Rolled from side to side- thank God no one was around! Still no pain. I called back to the office and left a message for my surgeon letting him know the gas bubble must have gotten stuck under my hernia, but that it had finally passed! Felt just fine the rest of the night and next day went back to normal! It was crazy!
5K training went really well on Wednesday. I didn't fall! I am hanging in there.
When my Mom was up here for Grandparents day at Lily's school. We went shopping. I had no clue where to even start with sizes. I picked out a few things were I thought I might be and a few a size smaller. The very first dress I put on was the winner! It was smaller then I thought I was! The jeans that I came into the store wearing (that are way too big now) are 5 sizes bigger then this dress! Now, I am no where near 'normal' sizes, but, I am now finally out of the way high end sizes! It also (thanks to a sale) didn't cost more then my budget for it. Plus, it is dressy, but not over the top so I can wear it for Charlotte's promotion ceremony!
I ended up buying a pair of new jeans, and a new night gown. My might gowns are like tents on me! It is really funny! I mean I like them big, but it was getting a little crazy! I never buy myself things, and I have been blessed by family members passing on clothes my way. I really only needed those three things. Oh I also got a new sucker upper (what I call shape wear) I need this to support my hernia while I exercise. The one I wear now is getting a little worn. I am wearing everything in my dresser now. Today I put on a pair of Chris' gym shorts just to see- ended up wearing them to the gym this morning! :-)
Small update: Tuesday afternoon, I had gas pain that became so severe I had to call Chris home from work. I couldn't get it to move despite everything I was doing. My parents thankfully were already here for Grandparents Day the next day. So they kept the kids busy while I was in a world of pain. When Chris got home we called into the office and my surgeon said to head to the ER (it hurt that bad) because I really thought I had blown my hernia. Chris gets off the phone helps me to try to sit up, while I was sitting up I realized I could sit up (couldn't before). I made my way to the bathroom, and still was a little painful but nothing too bad. As we stood on the front porch I told him I felt better. We still walked to the car, I got in and laid my seat all the way back. Rolled from side to side- thank God no one was around! Still no pain. I called back to the office and left a message for my surgeon letting him know the gas bubble must have gotten stuck under my hernia, but that it had finally passed! Felt just fine the rest of the night and next day went back to normal! It was crazy!
5K training went really well on Wednesday. I didn't fall! I am hanging in there.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Just The Facts
Just a quickie update post!
Here is the break down....
Today is 8 weeks!!!
Total loss from highest recorded... 77 lbs!
Total since surgery... 44 lbs!
This weeks loss 3 lbs!
Today I had to see the counselor today. That went great! On my way out I saw Liz, and she asked if I wanted to get some new measurements. Since September till today I have lost a total of 42.25 inches! 7 of those are just from last month!
Tomorrow I am doing my first two-a-day. Gym in the morning and 5K group training at night. I normally go on Saturday but I am changing back to Wednesday because my next few weekends are booked. Glad to report it all super fun things like camping, graduations and grad parties!! I am super close to my first milestone! Feeling great!
Here is the break down....
Today is 8 weeks!!!
Total loss from highest recorded... 77 lbs!
Total since surgery... 44 lbs!
This weeks loss 3 lbs!
Today I had to see the counselor today. That went great! On my way out I saw Liz, and she asked if I wanted to get some new measurements. Since September till today I have lost a total of 42.25 inches! 7 of those are just from last month!
Tomorrow I am doing my first two-a-day. Gym in the morning and 5K group training at night. I normally go on Saturday but I am changing back to Wednesday because my next few weekends are booked. Glad to report it all super fun things like camping, graduations and grad parties!! I am super close to my first milestone! Feeling great!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Dreams
We all have them right? In my pre-mommy days I was a nurse. I went through a high school program- giving up a typical Senior year to go after it. When I graduated from High School I was able to sit for and passed the Nclex- LPN licensing exam. I was handing out controlled meds before I could legally drink or buy cigarettes. I dreamt of being a mother for a long time. Finally having to take the reins myself (with Chris of course) and go after it. Same thing when we found out we were expecting Charlotte. I was determined that God didn't give us this to take it away. So I fought against my body and kept her surprising my doctors.
I was determined. I was driven.
In the past I have felt determined to loose this weight that I carry around. I would loose some. Then get frustrated that it wasn't happening fast enough, or really at all. Old habits would creep back in and the same amount of weight I was able to loose was back on in no time, and this time brought friends. I would pretend it didn't bother me, but it did. And still does.
The first few weeks after my surgery I must have said I am sorry more times then I had in my life. I was sorry. For putting Chris and the girls through a scary surgery, my parents for leaving their home 3 hours away to come help me out. I was mad at myself that I had always been so driven and determined for other things in my life, but never this. I had to put myself through this surgery, change my anatomy to finally get to a healthy weight. The surgery is not a silver bullet. I will loose in the beginning, but as time goes on my body will figure this out. I am going to have to fight this the rest of my life.
This weekend my surgeon was running the 5K group training. After I gracefully ate concrete, he let everyone else go on ahead and stayed with me. After a minute I got up and I finished my training. This time was different then any other time in my life. I didn't finish the training just to save face and appear brave. I didn't even think of those things. I was more concerned with me being too hurt to get back to the gym! I was proud of myself that I really finished for me. He and I talked on our way around the track and I told him about my buyers remorse. He agrees it is all rooted in fear of the unknown. I was nice to feel validated by him. I don't know why I needed it from him, but I did.
Chris and I opted out of the gym yesterday. I was pretty sore after falling. This morning, I still felt sore, but I went. I wasn't going to do the 5K training I was going to bike. But, when I got to my favorite room, I saw all of those beautiful treadmills. I couldn't stop myself. My ankle and knee hurt a little, but after I got into the groove it all went away. Not only did I do the 5K training, I beat my time and distance!
As for my dream in all of this, I will say what I said in my very first appointment with Liz the exercise phsyologist. I want to be able to ride amusement park rides with my kids. I want to walk past a mirror and not say eww. I want to be able to walk into a store and buy whatever I want. I want to be able to buy whatever it is and not look at the weight limit first. I want people to not be afraid to sit next to me in an office.I want to train for and finish this 5K and then move onto Disney's Princess Half Marathon. I want to run! I want all of this and more.
I finally feel like I have to the right tool to do all of this with. I feel like it is all mine to take. I am determined. I am driven. It is mine.
I was determined. I was driven.
In the past I have felt determined to loose this weight that I carry around. I would loose some. Then get frustrated that it wasn't happening fast enough, or really at all. Old habits would creep back in and the same amount of weight I was able to loose was back on in no time, and this time brought friends. I would pretend it didn't bother me, but it did. And still does.
The first few weeks after my surgery I must have said I am sorry more times then I had in my life. I was sorry. For putting Chris and the girls through a scary surgery, my parents for leaving their home 3 hours away to come help me out. I was mad at myself that I had always been so driven and determined for other things in my life, but never this. I had to put myself through this surgery, change my anatomy to finally get to a healthy weight. The surgery is not a silver bullet. I will loose in the beginning, but as time goes on my body will figure this out. I am going to have to fight this the rest of my life.
This weekend my surgeon was running the 5K group training. After I gracefully ate concrete, he let everyone else go on ahead and stayed with me. After a minute I got up and I finished my training. This time was different then any other time in my life. I didn't finish the training just to save face and appear brave. I didn't even think of those things. I was more concerned with me being too hurt to get back to the gym! I was proud of myself that I really finished for me. He and I talked on our way around the track and I told him about my buyers remorse. He agrees it is all rooted in fear of the unknown. I was nice to feel validated by him. I don't know why I needed it from him, but I did.
Chris and I opted out of the gym yesterday. I was pretty sore after falling. This morning, I still felt sore, but I went. I wasn't going to do the 5K training I was going to bike. But, when I got to my favorite room, I saw all of those beautiful treadmills. I couldn't stop myself. My ankle and knee hurt a little, but after I got into the groove it all went away. Not only did I do the 5K training, I beat my time and distance!
As for my dream in all of this, I will say what I said in my very first appointment with Liz the exercise phsyologist. I want to be able to ride amusement park rides with my kids. I want to walk past a mirror and not say eww. I want to be able to walk into a store and buy whatever I want. I want to be able to buy whatever it is and not look at the weight limit first. I want people to not be afraid to sit next to me in an office.I want to train for and finish this 5K and then move onto Disney's Princess Half Marathon. I want to run! I want all of this and more.
I finally feel like I have to the right tool to do all of this with. I feel like it is all mine to take. I am determined. I am driven. It is mine.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Week 7
I am proud to announce that the stall is over! Yesterday when I popped up on the scale it had dropped 5lbs!!! That makes the totals 40lbs since surgery and 74 from highest! Wahoo! One of the pages I follow on facebook is a page for WLS'ers. Someone the other day listed out a comparison chart for what your weight loss really equals out to. I was between an Irish Setter and a solid gold bar! I thought that was funny.
I have been going to the gym as often as I can. Charlotte joined me on Monday and loved the kids section. I met with the trainer. I didn't know that it was going to turn into a sales pitch (don't you hate that!), and I don't like to be caught off guard. On a positive note he did show me some new exercises to try that I can mix it. I also made it to the 5K training on Saturday. Liz kicked out butts! We are still in the beginning of training so we only walked/jogged 0.8 miles, or one loop. Then she put us through a boot camp of sorts. I kept up pretty well. I am the largest person doing this, and I think the closest out from surgery. I do have to figure out different exercise clothes. My pants were literally sliding down today! It only makes matters worse that because of my hernia I must wear shapewear under my exercise clothing. It helps keep it stable. I thought for sure that my pants were going to hit the floor today! I did make my 5K training goals, it was pretty ugly but I made it!
I am very close to my first set goal for myself! I hope to get there in the next 2 weeks or so. My reward system I have set up is completely non-food based. I was given for my birthday a Pandora bracelet. I am going to pick out a new charm representing each milestone. I wear the bracelet everyday so I will be able to look at it always as a reminder.
Looking ahead, next week I am so excited. At 8 weeks I get to have tomatoes again! I don't really like them raw but LOVE them roasted or really cooked in any way! So I gt to try them out to see how they will sit me.
I have been going to the gym as often as I can. Charlotte joined me on Monday and loved the kids section. I met with the trainer. I didn't know that it was going to turn into a sales pitch (don't you hate that!), and I don't like to be caught off guard. On a positive note he did show me some new exercises to try that I can mix it. I also made it to the 5K training on Saturday. Liz kicked out butts! We are still in the beginning of training so we only walked/jogged 0.8 miles, or one loop. Then she put us through a boot camp of sorts. I kept up pretty well. I am the largest person doing this, and I think the closest out from surgery. I do have to figure out different exercise clothes. My pants were literally sliding down today! It only makes matters worse that because of my hernia I must wear shapewear under my exercise clothing. It helps keep it stable. I thought for sure that my pants were going to hit the floor today! I did make my 5K training goals, it was pretty ugly but I made it!
I am very close to my first set goal for myself! I hope to get there in the next 2 weeks or so. My reward system I have set up is completely non-food based. I was given for my birthday a Pandora bracelet. I am going to pick out a new charm representing each milestone. I wear the bracelet everyday so I will be able to look at it always as a reminder.
Looking ahead, next week I am so excited. At 8 weeks I get to have tomatoes again! I don't really like them raw but LOVE them roasted or really cooked in any way! So I gt to try them out to see how they will sit me.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Picture Motivation
I missed the 5K training on Wednesday. Not gonna lie, I totally copped out. The weather was iffy and it is a good 45 min drive to get to the park where it is being held. I didn't want to fight the traffic just to get there and have it rained out. But, something good come from it. I joined a gym. Chris and I had a talk about it and I went looking with my sister yesterday. I settled on Gold's. It was almost half of what I would have been spending per month on a swim pass. Plus Chris can come along on the weekends for free and the girls have their own kid gym! Wahoo! I went today and I loved it! Did 30 mins on the treadmill and walked 1.4 miles. My favorite part of the gym (so far) is that they have a movie area with a ton of cardio equipment in it. So I could do my thing in the dark! I didn't watch the movie. I like to listen to music when I work out. They were playing 50 first dates. Tomorrow the weather here is supposed to be great so I will not be copping out and will indeed make it to 5K training!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
6 Weeks, A Little Bad News, And A Stall
I know the title seems like a downer, but it really isn't all that bad. Yesterday was 6 weeks exactly. Wow that went fast! I am considered 'healed' physically, mentally I am still getting there. I am learning that this surgery changes everything. My brain is just a little slow to catch up. Last week week had a few bumps. I had two full days of being dizzy and just feeling off. I did go see my surgeon, because I had a stitch that was coming out. I told him everything, we got more blood work done. Just to make sure. As far as I know everything was great. I started to feel better on Thursday/Friday. My guess is that it was more related to my sinus issues. I have been dizzy because of that before, this was just a lot more.
************************************************************************************
TMI section- there is mention of blood here. It might be gross for some so just skip ahead to the end!
While I was office, I told him that I finally figured out where the bloody discharge from my belly button was coming from. I have an open ulcerated area in there. He was finally able to really see it. He was actually a little speechless! There was a lot of 'umm oh, well look at thats'. I felt vindicated, I had been telling him, but he could never find it. We have a working plan for keeping it clean. It really makes me nervous because having blood coming out of your belly button. Even if it just ooze from and ulcer. The bad news is that I am out of the pool until it heals. Honestly, I can't see myself back in the pool until I have the hernia repair done. That is at least 10 months away. Insert sad face.
**********************************************************************************
The good news is that Chris has been great (like always, well most times) and agreed that instead of getting a pool pass I am looking at gym's. If I can find one that I like that is about the same money as the pool then we are going for that. Trying to get what I need without jacking up cost. Tonight I start the couch to 5K program. It is 9 weeks, I think? The race is June 9.That is all free for me to participate in. I think it would be pretty foolish to not at least try. Oh that reminds me I have to change Charlotte's hair donation appointment. Crap. Anyway, I am excited about this. I know it is going to only help my weight loss, and help get up my endurance.
Speaking of weight loss, this week I stalled. Same as last week. I know it seems crazy for that to happen when you are only eating (maybe) 400-500 calories a day. However, from what I have read it is quite normal around 6 weeks. I am not really upset, I just took it as my body saying, "OK, I am now all healed up! Get out there and move it!" So that is what I am going to do.
************************************************************************************
TMI section- there is mention of blood here. It might be gross for some so just skip ahead to the end!
While I was office, I told him that I finally figured out where the bloody discharge from my belly button was coming from. I have an open ulcerated area in there. He was finally able to really see it. He was actually a little speechless! There was a lot of 'umm oh, well look at thats'. I felt vindicated, I had been telling him, but he could never find it. We have a working plan for keeping it clean. It really makes me nervous because having blood coming out of your belly button. Even if it just ooze from and ulcer. The bad news is that I am out of the pool until it heals. Honestly, I can't see myself back in the pool until I have the hernia repair done. That is at least 10 months away. Insert sad face.
**********************************************************************************
The good news is that Chris has been great (like always, well most times) and agreed that instead of getting a pool pass I am looking at gym's. If I can find one that I like that is about the same money as the pool then we are going for that. Trying to get what I need without jacking up cost. Tonight I start the couch to 5K program. It is 9 weeks, I think? The race is June 9.That is all free for me to participate in. I think it would be pretty foolish to not at least try. Oh that reminds me I have to change Charlotte's hair donation appointment. Crap. Anyway, I am excited about this. I know it is going to only help my weight loss, and help get up my endurance.
Speaking of weight loss, this week I stalled. Same as last week. I know it seems crazy for that to happen when you are only eating (maybe) 400-500 calories a day. However, from what I have read it is quite normal around 6 weeks. I am not really upset, I just took it as my body saying, "OK, I am now all healed up! Get out there and move it!" So that is what I am going to do.
Monday, April 2, 2012
One Month/5 Weeks
I am a little late with my one month update. I did go to see my surgeon last week and he was very please with how I am doing. I have one small spot that is just taking longer to heal, but other then that all is well. I did notice a suture that is trying to work it's way out. I called this morning, and I will see him on Wednesday before my post-op transition class. Also, my belly button is acting up. It has nothing to do with my bypass, but it is still a real concern because I do not want any infection in there before I get to goal and get it fixed. I did just talk with him about this last week, but last night there was a small amount of blood coming from it. I think there is an ulcer in there. I just want him to check it out to make sure everything is ok.
Now for the numbers... I got on the scale today, a day early but it was a good number so I am keeping it! I am now down 35 lbs from surgery, and 69 from highest! That makes me really happy! I seem to be dropping from my top down. My waist and hips are smaller, but I feel much thinner in my upper body. This week I am going to get my butt in gear and start moving. I wanted to get into the pool, but I have to wait again until Dr. von Rueden sees my belly button. So I am walking until then.
I have restarted my Celexa. I had some trouble taking it alone- it tasted horrible. So I am now mixing it and it is much better. I did ask at my last appointment if I could please just take the pill again. I even brought an old pill to show him the size! He said I could take it, BUT I wouldn't absorb it as well as I am the liquid. So, for now liquid it is.
I don't think I have ever listed out what I take everyday now: Here it all is!
Morning:
Nutrametix Multi-vit
Nutrametrix Calcuim 750mg
Actagall
Celexa
prevacid
Afternoon:
B12 (twice a week)
Iron 30 mg
Evening:
Actagal
Nutrametrix Multi-vit
Nutrametrix Calcuim 750mg
That is a lot to look at. It doesn't seem like that much day to day though. Good news is that my PCP has taken me off all of Asthma meds. She is cautiously optimistic that all I may need is a rescue inhaler. She did give me a script for my meds but in a chewable. To have just in case my allergies bring on the Asthma symptoms. So that makes me really happy that I might be off all of those meds.
Let's see what's coming up... I signed up for a Couch to 5K program. I don't expect to 'run' it, but I am fully expecting to walk the whole thing. The training starts this week. I will miss the first class because of my post-op class. But other then that I intend to be at all the rest. Also, I will be upping the walking here at home as well.
Now for the numbers... I got on the scale today, a day early but it was a good number so I am keeping it! I am now down 35 lbs from surgery, and 69 from highest! That makes me really happy! I seem to be dropping from my top down. My waist and hips are smaller, but I feel much thinner in my upper body. This week I am going to get my butt in gear and start moving. I wanted to get into the pool, but I have to wait again until Dr. von Rueden sees my belly button. So I am walking until then.
I have restarted my Celexa. I had some trouble taking it alone- it tasted horrible. So I am now mixing it and it is much better. I did ask at my last appointment if I could please just take the pill again. I even brought an old pill to show him the size! He said I could take it, BUT I wouldn't absorb it as well as I am the liquid. So, for now liquid it is.
I don't think I have ever listed out what I take everyday now: Here it all is!
Morning:
Nutrametix Multi-vit
Nutrametrix Calcuim 750mg
Actagall
Celexa
prevacid
Afternoon:
B12 (twice a week)
Iron 30 mg
Evening:
Actagal
Nutrametrix Multi-vit
Nutrametrix Calcuim 750mg
That is a lot to look at. It doesn't seem like that much day to day though. Good news is that my PCP has taken me off all of Asthma meds. She is cautiously optimistic that all I may need is a rescue inhaler. She did give me a script for my meds but in a chewable. To have just in case my allergies bring on the Asthma symptoms. So that makes me really happy that I might be off all of those meds.
Let's see what's coming up... I signed up for a Couch to 5K program. I don't expect to 'run' it, but I am fully expecting to walk the whole thing. The training starts this week. I will miss the first class because of my post-op class. But other then that I intend to be at all the rest. Also, I will be upping the walking here at home as well.
Friday, March 16, 2012
2 Weeks 3 Days
I am little late for my update.
Here is the breakdown...as of Tuesday.
I am down 20 lbs since surgery! And...wait for it.... 50 from highest!
I know I had mentioned weighing too often. When I weighed in on Tuesday my numbers where the same as from the weekend. Normally this is the time where people stop losing pounds everyday. My body is freaking out a little and holding onto everything. Once it figures it out that I am not dieing then it will start up again. I am ok with that.
Since Tuesday I have felt really pretty good. I have losty the fuzzy feeling in my head. I think swtiching somethings around is helping as well. I was drinking a protein shake for breakfast. It was making me not feel too great. I moved that to lunchtime and starting eating an egg for breakfast. That is sitting much better. The puree is going great! I am hitting 60grams of protein a day and 64-70oz of fluids. I think I am better hydrated now then before surgery! I have to take triple dose of vitamins, and I glad to see that I am absorbing them. My nails are nice and hard and growing. That is huge. My energy is also improving this is going a long way to make me feel better!
More exciting news, Chris gave me my last Heparin shot last night! Wahoo! I am sooo bruised up. All over my arms, hands, belly it is a mess. Hopefully now that will all start going away. I called into my team yesterday and spoke with the nurse because one of my sights is a (very) little reddish/pink. This was the site that looked the best out of them all. I am going to put some bactroban on it over the weekend to see if that helps. The rashes are really improved on the other sites.
I think I am finally settling in. I am not so freaked by every little thing that I feel. I can start my anxiety meds on Sunday. I know that will help out a great deal. It has been a few days now since I felt any regret. Each span is getting longer. My team hosts a support group once a month at the hospital, it is next Wednesday. I am looking forward to that. It is a first one since surgery.
Here is the breakdown...as of Tuesday.
I am down 20 lbs since surgery! And...wait for it.... 50 from highest!
I know I had mentioned weighing too often. When I weighed in on Tuesday my numbers where the same as from the weekend. Normally this is the time where people stop losing pounds everyday. My body is freaking out a little and holding onto everything. Once it figures it out that I am not dieing then it will start up again. I am ok with that.
Since Tuesday I have felt really pretty good. I have losty the fuzzy feeling in my head. I think swtiching somethings around is helping as well. I was drinking a protein shake for breakfast. It was making me not feel too great. I moved that to lunchtime and starting eating an egg for breakfast. That is sitting much better. The puree is going great! I am hitting 60grams of protein a day and 64-70oz of fluids. I think I am better hydrated now then before surgery! I have to take triple dose of vitamins, and I glad to see that I am absorbing them. My nails are nice and hard and growing. That is huge. My energy is also improving this is going a long way to make me feel better!
More exciting news, Chris gave me my last Heparin shot last night! Wahoo! I am sooo bruised up. All over my arms, hands, belly it is a mess. Hopefully now that will all start going away. I called into my team yesterday and spoke with the nurse because one of my sights is a (very) little reddish/pink. This was the site that looked the best out of them all. I am going to put some bactroban on it over the weekend to see if that helps. The rashes are really improved on the other sites.
I think I am finally settling in. I am not so freaked by every little thing that I feel. I can start my anxiety meds on Sunday. I know that will help out a great deal. It has been a few days now since I felt any regret. Each span is getting longer. My team hosts a support group once a month at the hospital, it is next Wednesday. I am looking forward to that. It is a first one since surgery.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Let The Puree Begin!
Today is a super big day! After 12 days of fluids both clean and full I am moving on! Thank you, God! I did pretty well tolerating everything until the last few days. Now, I just think I am tired of it in general. Don't be jealous now, Cream of Chicken soup double strained with a severing of unflavored protein powder is not as good as it sounds! I promise. This afternoon I am moving onto better things! Refried beans and cheese! WA HOO!
I do have a call into my nutritionist just to make sure I am moving on correctly. I have been getting in 65-70Oz of fluid a day. I need to keep that up and now count all my protein to make sure I am getting 60-80gms a day. The protein water (Isopure) I loved pre-op now make me want to hurl at the thought of it. I tried it again last night and even added a pack of splenda, it is still horrible. I am going to try to get over to the Vitamin Shoppe to find another flavor I can tolerate better.
As for my overall healing. I think I am right on track. I have decided to go back to work this week. Being a SAHM it gives me a ton more freedom to sit when needed. I want to get us all back into our routine. There are only two tasks that Chris will keep for the time being, the washing and drying of the laundry. Ours is in the basement and the stairs are old and scary. The deal is he will 'run' them and I will put it all away. The other task is the bathroom. I just don't want to be around any extra germs. My incisions are mostly healed but why chance it. I will say there is more time in my day that I feel 'normal', meaning I have to remember that I did have the surgery. For that I am grateful. I don't feel like I am going to drop dead at any moment, which helps with the negative thoughts of putting my family through this. It will be worth it, I am finally starting to really feel this way.
I do have a new number for total lost but I am not posting till tomorrow. It is hard to stay off the damn scale! I am not going to count it anymore until Tuesday. So there is a number, a wonderful number, but it isn't real until tomorrow. Here's hoping for an even better one! I am starting to see it in other way I had to take off my wedding rings :-( When we were in process with Poose I bought myself a plain band to wear on our visit and homecoming. I was able to put that on and it fits perfectly. That makes me smile.
Mood check in. So far so good. The good thing about going through Major Depression/anxiety is that you learn to recognize it. I feel exactly how I felt after Puddle was born. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have had a few mild complications, nothing I would say major. I am just in that mind set that something is going to take this all away. My medication really helps with that. I take my last dose of Heparin on Thursday night. I am going to call the pharmacist to see how long should wait to get it out of my system before I restart my meds. Hopefully, I can start it back up by the weekend.
Tomorrow marks Two Weeks!
I do have a call into my nutritionist just to make sure I am moving on correctly. I have been getting in 65-70Oz of fluid a day. I need to keep that up and now count all my protein to make sure I am getting 60-80gms a day. The protein water (Isopure) I loved pre-op now make me want to hurl at the thought of it. I tried it again last night and even added a pack of splenda, it is still horrible. I am going to try to get over to the Vitamin Shoppe to find another flavor I can tolerate better.
As for my overall healing. I think I am right on track. I have decided to go back to work this week. Being a SAHM it gives me a ton more freedom to sit when needed. I want to get us all back into our routine. There are only two tasks that Chris will keep for the time being, the washing and drying of the laundry. Ours is in the basement and the stairs are old and scary. The deal is he will 'run' them and I will put it all away. The other task is the bathroom. I just don't want to be around any extra germs. My incisions are mostly healed but why chance it. I will say there is more time in my day that I feel 'normal', meaning I have to remember that I did have the surgery. For that I am grateful. I don't feel like I am going to drop dead at any moment, which helps with the negative thoughts of putting my family through this. It will be worth it, I am finally starting to really feel this way.
I do have a new number for total lost but I am not posting till tomorrow. It is hard to stay off the damn scale! I am not going to count it anymore until Tuesday. So there is a number, a wonderful number, but it isn't real until tomorrow. Here's hoping for an even better one! I am starting to see it in other way I had to take off my wedding rings :-( When we were in process with Poose I bought myself a plain band to wear on our visit and homecoming. I was able to put that on and it fits perfectly. That makes me smile.
Mood check in. So far so good. The good thing about going through Major Depression/anxiety is that you learn to recognize it. I feel exactly how I felt after Puddle was born. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have had a few mild complications, nothing I would say major. I am just in that mind set that something is going to take this all away. My medication really helps with that. I take my last dose of Heparin on Thursday night. I am going to call the pharmacist to see how long should wait to get it out of my system before I restart my meds. Hopefully, I can start it back up by the weekend.
Tomorrow marks Two Weeks!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Picking Up A Little Speed
As for healing. It is slow, but steady. It is hard to remember that I did in fact have major surgery. With only 5 little incisions and drain site it is easy to forget. I went yesterday and had my one week blood work done along with another set of liver functions. I am taking it as good news if I don't hear anything after Wednesday. I still have the itchy rashes around 3 out of the sites and the drain. This isn't worse. It is hard to say it is better, but it isn't as itchy. So maybe that is something.
Mood- good news bad news. Good news is that they make my med in liquid, and I even picked it up from the pharmacy today. Bad news, I am going to hold off taking it. I am still taking the Heparin shots for the next 6 days. Taking the two may cause a problem with extra bleeding. Soo yeah, I am holding off until for about another week. But at least I have it.
I have been on a few outings. I always come home feeling extremely worn out. Kinda feels like I have been really super sick, and these are my first times leaving the house. Around the house I do just fine. I do think it is sad that the first thing I have grown too small for is my wedding rings :-( I am still wearing them, but I have to be super careful. It won't be much longer before I have to figure something else out on how to wear them.
I am almost done with my full fluids stage. This Wednesday I can start puree. Wahoo! I have been doing very well with getting in the majority of my fluids. I am averaging 70 oz a day. When you can only take in 4oz every half hour, I have a cup in my hand 24/7. But it beats another IV any day!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
One week!
So I must admit, I think that I have finally turned a corner. I am one week out today! I checked my weight this morning. It was .5 down from the doctors yesterday. I was most happy to see that our scale is right on track with theirs. I have gotten in 100% of my fluids for the past two days. The little rash around my incisions is still itchy, but it hasn't gotten any worse. I added in another supplement this morning and I will add a gallbladder med this evening.
One thing I haven't written about yet is that fact, that I have not been hungry. At all. The last time I felt a hunger pain was last Tuesday morning. It seems like I am really going to have to treat food like a medication from here on out. Ihave a slight OCD way about me am routine driven person so this should be OK. Plus, I am writing everything. Although, that did bite me in the butt last night. Chris and I had words over the exact amount of beef broth I mixed my protein powder with. I even used the words 'look, I am am right, I even wrote it down!' only to turn to that page of my book to see that he was right. DOH! Moving right along.... :-)
As for my mood, still no tears, or any anxiety to really talk about. I write about my mood because pre-surgery I was on a med for depression/anxiety. I haven't taken them since last Monday night. Normally by day 4 off of it, I still to twitch a little. I am amazed how well I have done (so far) without it. My med does comes in a liquid so I am working with my PCP to get it in that form. After all the negative reactions to meds I have had I am a little more then leery though. So we will see.
The girls are adjusting well. I let Lily stay home today. She has had a stuffy head this morning she had a slight fever. I thought it might be good to let her stay home just to try to catch up a little. They have both been super gentle with me. I have been very open with them. They saw my incisions and drain. Charlotte was fascinated with the drain. I think that they are getting a little more comfortable with me overall.
Chris, well he is a saint. Pure and simple. I have had to ask him to not make me a walking project to manage. He gets super worried and after what happened on Saturday he has been a little over protective.
Am I still dealing with 'Buyer's Remorse'? A little. I think each day out and I start to feel better the more I knew I made the right choice.
One thing I haven't written about yet is that fact, that I have not been hungry. At all. The last time I felt a hunger pain was last Tuesday morning. It seems like I am really going to have to treat food like a medication from here on out. I
As for my mood, still no tears, or any anxiety to really talk about. I write about my mood because pre-surgery I was on a med for depression/anxiety. I haven't taken them since last Monday night. Normally by day 4 off of it, I still to twitch a little. I am amazed how well I have done (so far) without it. My med does comes in a liquid so I am working with my PCP to get it in that form. After all the negative reactions to meds I have had I am a little more then leery though. So we will see.
The girls are adjusting well. I let Lily stay home today. She has had a stuffy head this morning she had a slight fever. I thought it might be good to let her stay home just to try to catch up a little. They have both been super gentle with me. I have been very open with them. They saw my incisions and drain. Charlotte was fascinated with the drain. I think that they are getting a little more comfortable with me overall.
Chris, well he is a saint. Pure and simple. I have had to ask him to not make me a walking project to manage. He gets super worried and after what happened on Saturday he has been a little over protective.
Am I still dealing with 'Buyer's Remorse'? A little. I think each day out and I start to feel better the more I knew I made the right choice.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Day 6 and all is better.
Since the ER visit everything seems to be healing nicely. I do have some dermatitis around most of my incision sites. This morning I called and got back in the my surgeon to check back in after the ER visit. We talked about the dermatitis and he wants me to start Hydrocortisone cream around each site. Hopefully this will help the itching. Other then that it seems like all the fluids I got are doing their magic.
As for my mood, I haven't cried today. Bonus! I did start out with some negative thoughts about choosing the RNY (bypass) over the lap band. But at the end of the day it was probably the best choice I could have made. I didn't put my weight on after having the girls. I was already very overweight, been so most of my life. More then likely I would have had to convert to the bypass down the line anyway.
I did get weighed at the office, and I am down 6.56 from my weight there this past Friday. I think that seeing that the scale is moving is also helping my mood. From my highest recorded till today I am down 40 lbs.
My plan is to just keep on keeping on. I drove everywhere we went today. I am going to take it easy the rest of the night. My main focus is to just get back our normal routine. After my adventure on Saturday night my parents, Chris and I have come to conclusion that it would be better for them to hang out till Friday morning. I am so thankful for all the love and support shown my way.
As for my mood, I haven't cried today. Bonus! I did start out with some negative thoughts about choosing the RNY (bypass) over the lap band. But at the end of the day it was probably the best choice I could have made. I didn't put my weight on after having the girls. I was already very overweight, been so most of my life. More then likely I would have had to convert to the bypass down the line anyway.
I did get weighed at the office, and I am down 6.56 from my weight there this past Friday. I think that seeing that the scale is moving is also helping my mood. From my highest recorded till today I am down 40 lbs.
My plan is to just keep on keeping on. I drove everywhere we went today. I am going to take it easy the rest of the night. My main focus is to just get back our normal routine. After my adventure on Saturday night my parents, Chris and I have come to conclusion that it would be better for them to hang out till Friday morning. I am so thankful for all the love and support shown my way.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
ER visit- Day 4
Well day four was going well. Went to visit my sister at her new house. I stood the entire time I was there. Which was about an hour. While Chris and I were walking back to the van my back was killing me. Chris got me home and I changed clothes. Once I got comfortable my back felt a lot better. However, I noticed that I had pressure in my new tummy. I waited about ten minutes before saying anything. I was hoping that it would go away. It didn't. In fact it only got worse. I told Chris and my Mom what I was feeling. After a few minutes it was decided that we call into the doctor. We called and left a message. While we were waiting, Chris looked it up and saw that I could take a Gas X strip. I did. My doctor called back and after I explained everything going on he thought it best that I head to the ER to be checked out. I cried all the way there. I was so scared.
Thankfully, the ER was empty. I only had to wait a few minutes to get started. They took some blood and made me pee in a cup. Then got me set up in a room. When I changed into a gown I noticed that I a red rash around one of my sites. Great. I saw the nurse, she did an EKG, just because of where pressure was located. It was fine. Then I saw the PA. I explained everything to her. She called the surgery residents to see me. It only took a few minutes for the resident to come see me. Again explained it all again. He said he would call my surgeon to see what he wanted me to do. After a little while the PA came back and told me that I had a UTI and was extremely dehydrated. They started my fluids, I was going to get 3 liters of fluid. They also were going to run an antibiotic to help the UTI. After a little while a young man came and took me to get belly xrays. Once I came back from that my nurse came back in and started the IV antibiotic. This is where it got a little interesting.
After a few minutes of the antibiotic started I asked Chris for a drink of water. I took a sip and felt so sick. I felt like I was burning from the inside out. My face turned to fire and my teeth started pulsing. Then my legs started shaking so bad that I couldn't make them stop. Chris got the nurse back and he got the PA who told the nurse to push benadryl. He did and after a little longer I started to feel better.
A little while later, the resident came back in again to see me and told me that my liver enzymes were a little up. Great. So I have to have them rechecked this week and see Von Rueden this week.
My mental status is shaken to say the least. I am sad, and wishing that I would have never done this to myself. I am praying that this was my stumble and it will continue to get better from here forward. I am really thinking that I will be making an appointment to see the counselor at the surgeons office this week as well.
Thankfully, the ER was empty. I only had to wait a few minutes to get started. They took some blood and made me pee in a cup. Then got me set up in a room. When I changed into a gown I noticed that I a red rash around one of my sites. Great. I saw the nurse, she did an EKG, just because of where pressure was located. It was fine. Then I saw the PA. I explained everything to her. She called the surgery residents to see me. It only took a few minutes for the resident to come see me. Again explained it all again. He said he would call my surgeon to see what he wanted me to do. After a little while the PA came back and told me that I had a UTI and was extremely dehydrated. They started my fluids, I was going to get 3 liters of fluid. They also were going to run an antibiotic to help the UTI. After a little while a young man came and took me to get belly xrays. Once I came back from that my nurse came back in and started the IV antibiotic. This is where it got a little interesting.
After a few minutes of the antibiotic started I asked Chris for a drink of water. I took a sip and felt so sick. I felt like I was burning from the inside out. My face turned to fire and my teeth started pulsing. Then my legs started shaking so bad that I couldn't make them stop. Chris got the nurse back and he got the PA who told the nurse to push benadryl. He did and after a little longer I started to feel better.
A little while later, the resident came back in again to see me and told me that my liver enzymes were a little up. Great. So I have to have them rechecked this week and see Von Rueden this week.
My mental status is shaken to say the least. I am sad, and wishing that I would have never done this to myself. I am praying that this was my stumble and it will continue to get better from here forward. I am really thinking that I will be making an appointment to see the counselor at the surgeons office this week as well.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Day 4 Post Op
I really wanted to start this blog before surgery. However, I couldn't make myself do it. To say I didn't have time, or the whole 'I really don't know why I didn't' would be a flat out lie. I was scared. I was in shock. I couldn't believe this was really going to happen. I continued all of this all the way up them moving me onto the surgery table with me in tears. I felt selfish. All I kept thinking in my head was what IF this. What IF that. How would Chris and the girls ever forgive me if something were to happen and I didn't come home. How would I forgive myself. So all of this was running right under my outward appearance of a smile and hopeful attitude.
A little background about my preop process. My insurance has a requirement that anyone looking into weight loss surgery (wls) must complete 6 months in a monitored weight loss program. My first appointment with my surgery team was on Aug 29, 2011. At that time my fuzzy math had my surgery time around late Mar-April time frame. When my nurse first mentioned late Feb I was floored. There of course was the disclaimer of 'it all depends on how fast the insurance approves'. My did drag it's feet a little. It reminded me a lot of our last months in our adoption process. That is a whole different post!
During my 6 months, my weight was a roller coaster. Down 6 lbs, back up 4. I was not a model preoper. I struggled with the loss of food. Daily. I wondered often how the the hell I was going to be able to be compliant after surgery if I couldn't do it now. During all of this time I had a battery of tests, some I completed right away, others I didn't. It was all a mental fight. This went on month after month until Jan. I met with my nutritionist and exercise physiologist. I had a 5 lb gain. They both came at me the perfect way and questioned, without directly asking, how committed I was. Bricks fell on my head. No one had ever questioned my commitment to anything before. No one had ever made me question myself.
I drove home that day a little bruised, but in the exact way I needed to be. It lit a fire. I came home rode over 15 miles on my elliptical bike and wrote an email that changed everything. My coming out if you will. I was shocked by the response. I was sent love and encouragement, and that only made my fire grow. For my last appointment I weighed and found that I had lost 13 lbs. Made my preop goal. and was on my way.
That leads to today. I am 4 days out, and feel really pretty good. I have been moved to level two foods. Meaning I can have full liquids. So every few typed words I am sipping on my protein shake. I only have two pain levels mild and narcotic. I have only taken the narcotic once and that was more then I ever want to have again. I only took the Tylenol two times yesterday. My energy is returning slowly. I am still pretty swollen. I did see my Team on Friday, who were impressed with how much fluid I got into my system my first day out. They removed my drain which was my biggest source of pain. I don't have to come back for 3 weeks.
I really do want to keep this blog to document this year as I transform. It is funny though, I have been overweight my entire life. I have never know healthy Megan. I can't wait to meet her.
A little background about my preop process. My insurance has a requirement that anyone looking into weight loss surgery (wls) must complete 6 months in a monitored weight loss program. My first appointment with my surgery team was on Aug 29, 2011. At that time my fuzzy math had my surgery time around late Mar-April time frame. When my nurse first mentioned late Feb I was floored. There of course was the disclaimer of 'it all depends on how fast the insurance approves'. My did drag it's feet a little. It reminded me a lot of our last months in our adoption process. That is a whole different post!
During my 6 months, my weight was a roller coaster. Down 6 lbs, back up 4. I was not a model preoper. I struggled with the loss of food. Daily. I wondered often how the the hell I was going to be able to be compliant after surgery if I couldn't do it now. During all of this time I had a battery of tests, some I completed right away, others I didn't. It was all a mental fight. This went on month after month until Jan. I met with my nutritionist and exercise physiologist. I had a 5 lb gain. They both came at me the perfect way and questioned, without directly asking, how committed I was. Bricks fell on my head. No one had ever questioned my commitment to anything before. No one had ever made me question myself.
I drove home that day a little bruised, but in the exact way I needed to be. It lit a fire. I came home rode over 15 miles on my elliptical bike and wrote an email that changed everything. My coming out if you will. I was shocked by the response. I was sent love and encouragement, and that only made my fire grow. For my last appointment I weighed and found that I had lost 13 lbs. Made my preop goal. and was on my way.
That leads to today. I am 4 days out, and feel really pretty good. I have been moved to level two foods. Meaning I can have full liquids. So every few typed words I am sipping on my protein shake. I only have two pain levels mild and narcotic. I have only taken the narcotic once and that was more then I ever want to have again. I only took the Tylenol two times yesterday. My energy is returning slowly. I am still pretty swollen. I did see my Team on Friday, who were impressed with how much fluid I got into my system my first day out. They removed my drain which was my biggest source of pain. I don't have to come back for 3 weeks.
I really do want to keep this blog to document this year as I transform. It is funny though, I have been overweight my entire life. I have never know healthy Megan. I can't wait to meet her.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)