Day 4 Post Op

I really wanted to start this blog before surgery. However, I couldn't make myself do it. To say I didn't have time, or the whole  'I really don't know why I didn't' would be a flat out lie. I was scared. I was in shock. I couldn't believe this was really going to happen. I continued all of this all the way up them moving me onto the surgery table with me in tears. I felt selfish. All I kept thinking in my head was what IF this. What IF that. How would Chris and the girls ever forgive me if something were to happen and I didn't come home. How would I forgive myself. So all of this was running right under my outward appearance of a smile and hopeful attitude.

A little background about my preop process. My insurance has a requirement that anyone looking into weight loss surgery (wls) must complete 6 months in a monitored weight loss program. My first appointment with my surgery team was on Aug 29, 2011. At that time my fuzzy math had my surgery time around late Mar-April time frame. When my nurse first mentioned late Feb I was floored. There of course was the disclaimer of  'it all depends on how fast the insurance approves'. My did drag it's feet a little. It reminded me a lot of our last months in our adoption process. That is a whole different post!

During my 6 months, my weight was a roller coaster. Down 6 lbs, back up 4. I was not a model preoper. I struggled with the loss of food. Daily. I wondered often how the the hell I was going to be able to be compliant after surgery if I couldn't do it now. During all of this time I had a battery of tests, some I completed right away, others I didn't. It was all a mental fight. This went on month after month until Jan. I met with my nutritionist and exercise physiologist. I had a 5 lb gain. They both came at me the perfect way and questioned, without directly asking, how committed I was. Bricks fell on my head. No one had ever questioned my commitment to anything before. No one had ever made me question myself.

I drove home that day a little bruised, but in the exact way I needed to be. It lit a fire. I came home rode over 15 miles on my elliptical bike and wrote an email that changed everything. My coming out if you will. I was shocked by the response. I was sent love and encouragement, and that only made my fire grow. For my last appointment I weighed and found that I had lost 13 lbs. Made my preop goal. and was on my way.

That leads to today. I am 4 days out, and feel really pretty good. I have been moved to level two foods. Meaning I can have full liquids. So every few typed words I am sipping on my protein shake. I only have two pain levels mild and narcotic. I have only taken the narcotic once and that was more then I ever want to have again. I only took the Tylenol two times yesterday. My energy is returning slowly. I am still pretty swollen. I did see my Team on Friday, who were impressed with how much fluid I got into my system my first day out. They removed my drain which was my biggest source of pain. I don't have to come back for 3 weeks.

I really do want to keep this blog to document this year as I transform. It is funny though, I have been overweight my entire life. I have never know healthy Megan. I can't wait to meet her.